5 years ago, people were just starting to admit that they met their significant others online. It was becoming less of a taboo to meet non-geeks over the internet. So then everyone tried it. Including me. I tried Lavalife for about 2 months. During that time, I probably went on 10 dates. All the guys were decent (though none of them second date worthy). Except one- I met my last longer-term boyfriend on Lavalife.  We dated for a year. Within that year, something went wrong with online dating.

When I was back on the scene, I went back to Lavalife, expecting the same results. Instead, I found 2 types of guys: there were the guys looking for nothing more than one night (they will always be around); and there were desperate lonely people. I was on there for another 6 months, with, if I recall correctly, a total of 2 dates. So I gave up.

Then eHarmony starting putting out those cheesy commercials with all the happy people, and, like many others, I bought into it…thinking that my $120 for 3 months was going to buy me a compatible match based on ” a rigorous 29 dimensions scale”. I’ll give eHarmony some credit- they make it slightly difficult for guys to get a one-night stand. But the only other people on there are the desperate losers.

My scores:

Total Time On eHarmony: 3 months less 3 days

Total Matches: 575

Total Men in “Open Communication”: 5

Total Dates: 1 (and I am pretty sure he was gay)

Maybe they need to up the number of dimensions compatibility is based on.

One thing I have to admit though, is although I do not eat the actual fruit…I love fruit flavored things. I can eat strawberry jam, raspberry juice, and blueberry gum. Name anything that has to do with an artificial fruit flavor, and I probably like it, but that’s not the point. I’m not eating the actual fruit, it is fake fruit! So i am still allowed to say that I don’t eat fruit. As soon as I have a chunk of fruit of something, it ruins it. Chunks of raspberry in my strawberry jam? I have to dig out. Chunks of raspberry in my raspberry yogurt? I have to spit out. I know this may sound strange to you, but I can’t bite down, or chew any actual piece of fruit.

Now I know what you are all thinking, and this is exactly what I am not ok with.

“Not even a juicy Pear?”

“Not even a delicious Kiwi?”

“Not even a ripe Strawberry?”

NO…I don’t like fruit! Are those all fruits? Yes! So no, I don’t like them! After anyone I tell that i don’t like fruit, their exact reply is “Not even a…”

NOOOO, I don’t like fruit!!!!

Well, it didn’t take long for this sushi place to be discovered and its popularity certainly got to their head. Say goodbye to pleasant service. If I didn’t know any better it was almost as if they don’t want any customers. We get in trouble for making reservations because they automatically assume you won’t be on time, they ask you 10 times how many people are coming because shame on you if you have one extra seat, and you only have an 1 hour and 10 minutes to eat your food before your time has run out. They give you a time limit!!! You don’t call yourself an all you can eat place and then give you a time limit…that’s just not right! It’s not right to yell at your customer before they even sit down to tell them you have an hour and ten minutes. And really, what’s with the 10 minutes? I am not ok with that…

Anyone see that Just for Laughs gag where the waiter puts down an hour glass at their table once they order? And as soon as the hourglass runs out, the waiter takes their plates away from them even if they are mid bite! Trying to find that video on youtube but can’t seem to find it. Let me know if you have any luck!

I plan on regretting at least 23 things.

Last night, I was out with work folk for a few pints, and the only married guy at the table was giving us all advice. I’d like to share some of his wisdom:

When the subject of dating a guy who’s style is more out of date than yours, he said “Don’t worry about that superficial stuff.” (I was thinking he was about to talk about going beyond the appearances)  “You’ll change all that when you start dating anyway. Do you think I dress myself?”

When the subject of where to meet good people came up he said “Networking events. Everyone just wants to meet people at those things.” That, actually, is not a bad idea.

And, my favorite quote from him for the whole  night: “If women were like men, the world would be over-populated.”

Think he’s right?

Though I don’t travel for work, I figured I would sign up for a profile so I could blog about it. Here is a sample of some of the questions I was asked:

Do you use condoms during sex?Do you regularly go to the dentist?

Do you groom your genital area?

Do you like using toys during intimacy?

There were a lot more, the total process took me about 15 minutes. Here is my question. Why call it a “dating site”? Clearly, it’s for travelers looking to hook up briefly on layovers or to meet people outside of their marriage. I’ll bet that most people who use it don’t travel at all, but use the site as an excuse to have a hotel room waiting for them at the end of a blind date.

So, if you’re looking for one-night-stands, the site is offering free membership through 2009. Good luck.

#7 Use Bigger sizes.  Bigger ads = Bigger dollars.   Who cares if they completely take over your site.  (OK maybe your readers do.)

#6 Ad MORE units.  This one is a no brainier, but the more ads you have on a page, the more ad revenue you will make.  Sure, there is a law of diminishing returns, but that will only affect each ad unit, not the overall revenue.

#5 Click on your own ads.  Yes, this one is against the TOS and will get you banned from AdSense, but in the short term you will generate $$$.  Google publicly frowns on this of course, just like affiliate companies frown on cookie stuffing but really they are laughing all the way to the bank.  ***NOT RECOMMENDED, JUST A JOKE RELAX!  So the real #5 is Change your Colors.  This one is easy to do and will help your $, but most people are just too lazy and use the default colors.  (me too:)

#4 Jam the Ads in key spots.  Sure you should have content at the top of the post, but the bloggers who jam AdSense units right at the top of the post make more money than you do…

#3 Stuff keywords everywhere.  It is the spam blogs that generate the bulk of Google’s long tail revenue, you know the sites, they contain virtually no real information, just a bunch of nonsensical keywords related to what you are really looking for.  Do a search on Google for ‘make money online’ and take a look at some of those results.  Have a look at this site in the top 10… Make Money Online Everything above the fold is an advertising link in some way, and has the words ‘make money’ in almost every sentence on the page.  Also try the ‘Make money at home’ and click on the 2nd result… MMAH.  Can you stuff anymore keywords on that page!!

#2 Be nice to Google.  Bitch slapping them like I do, does NOT help your revenue in any way, trust me…

#1 Write crappier content.  There is a direct inverse relationship to your effective CPM on AdSense and how good your content is.  If users really love what you write, they tend not to click away to something else.  If you write really low quality stuff, the readers who are looking for something useful will click on your AdSense away to something that they were  actually looking for…

AdvertiseSpace.com (Go ahead steal this post, just leave the link bitches)

~Chad

What I love most about the men in this movie, is how men in real life hate them. Every time I mention to a man that the Spartan men had great bodies, they are so quick to say “Their abs were painted on” or “It’s all cgi” or “They were airbrushed”. My question for men is: How does it feel? Women have been competing with airbrushed pin-ups since the technology was invented, yet you still believe we should look like that. It’s your turn to spend all your free time working out and eating chicken to please us.

I don’t believe there were that much computer generated abs. If you check out the website for 300 and look at the video journals, there’s not that much difference between the abs during rehearsals and the abs on the abs on the movie. I do believe those bodies are achievable, and men who deny that are just lazy, probably fat, and looking for a way to make themselves feel better.

Excuse me? I am not ok with that… there are no rules on how far you have to go for a cab to accept you. It’s illegal for any taxicab operator to refuse a fare based on distance. If I wanted a lift to my neighbors house I should be allowed! You are sitting around waiting for your next customer anyways, you may as well use this time to drive someone else!

http://toronto.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20080415/taxi_charged_080415?hub=TorontoNewHome

While I can understand that no one gets why I am single; I am hot, smart, independant, fun, super cool, etc. this is a stupid question. It implies that there is a single reason I am single; that if only I changed that one thing, I would be married; and I know precisely what that reason is. What is a good answer to that question. Here are a few that I’ve used in the past:

- “I am crazy”

- “Most men never call me after they meet my 12 cats”

- “I’m actually not single. My husband works for the CIA and I therefore cannot speak of him”

- “They keep running into knives and killing themselves!”

- “My last boyfriend was a quarterback for <<insert NFL team name>>. Physically, no one measures up anymore.”

- “Most men just can’t afford me.”

Anyone got any better ideas?

To give you a bit of a background information, I have many pet peeves and I have decided to no longer keep them on pen and paper, but to turn them into magical elaborate stories where other people are invited to comment and post similar annoyances that they may have. Some weeks I am more irritated than others, but if there is something worth writing, believe you me, my tale will be told.

Have something that you are not ok with? Please share, I would love nothing more that to learn of others’ pet peeves.

P.S. No, this is not a bully site.