Despite all this, it’s important to end a relationship in a way that truly frees you from the baggage that came along with it. Sound impossible? It’s not.

Don’t Break Up in Anger
Many breakups happen in the heat of the moment, and understandably so. However, you should instead take some time and reflect back on your relationship. Perhaps when you consider things you really do want to work on them. Or, if you find that you have moved beyond this person, get yourself in a positive state and then approach them to talk. Doing so will help you to avoid saying things that are hurtful, and will leave you in a more positive place when it comes to meeting someone new.

Learn the Lesson
The people we meet usually teach us something about ourselves. So silently take a moment and appreciate what you’ve learned from that person. Then, let this person go so that when you enter a new partnership, you’re not dragging old wounds along for the ride.

Wish Them the Best
It’s difficult to wish someone the very best and mean it. If you can master this act, you will eliminate the attachment we feel when we hold anger for someone. Wishing someone a life along and lonely only holds you back.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

How to End a Relationship

Watch the Parade
Make a date to cuddle up on the couch and watch the Thanksgiving day parade. There is lot of nostalgia with this parade which will prompt conversation topics and easy ways to get to know each other. Besides that, watching a couple hours of Broadway tunes, TV stars, and giant cartoon balloons is just too much fun to miss.

Volunteer
While volunteering at a rescue mission or food pantry might seem like a downer, it can actually help bond two people together fairly quickly. The key is make your outing about an hour, and no more. Under normal circumstances you should spend as much time as you can at a volunteer site, but when you are with a date it’s best to keep it on the short side. You’ll still get the benefit and honor of helping people, while also showing off your very best side to your date. Nothing makes you fall in love faster than seeing a date give of his heart freely.

Football Game
As a die-hard Packer fan, I’d be remiss if I did not mention sports. The traditional Thanksgiving game usually features the Packers and Lions, and for football fans this a welcome tradition. If you’re both into football, why not make it a game-watching date? At half-time, go outside and toss a football around, too. This will get your blood pumping (never a bad thing on a date.)

Make Dinner Together
If you both find yourselves without family on Thanksgiving, why not make a meal for two? Instead of a heavy dinner, think smaller appetizer sizes instead. Cooking together can be a very good way to talk and get to know one another. If you’re a whiz in the kitchen, what better way to impress your date?

Image: sxc.hu.

Post from: Blisstree

Thanksgiving Date Ideas

“Actions speak louder than words.”  We’ve all heard it, but do we all really live it?  If someone has hurt you it always feels so much better when they apologize.  Apologies make you believe that the offender understands their mistake and feels badly for hurting you.  But apologies don’t always solve problems from re-occurring.

In relationships I think the saying should be “Actions speak louder than apologies.”  Some people are really into saying “I’m sorry.”  Flowers, gifts, and home-cooked meals might make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but are they really addressing the issue that hurt you in the first place?  Maybe his apology is just covering the situation with a Band-Aid.

True apologies are really tough.  They involve admitting that you have truly made a mistake and if you could travel back in time, you would have made a different decision.  You made a wrong decision.  You are sorry.  For most people getting in touch with themselves and admitting that they have made a mistake, especially when it involves hurting someone they care about, is very difficult.  If you find that your significant other is quick to apologize and make a grand gesture to prove the apology, then you really need to think about the validity of these apologies.

“Actions speak louder than apologies” means that what he says to quickly wrap-up the argument is not important.  The way that he changes his actions based on the problem that occurred is extremely important. Go back to the root of the situation and figure out what hurt you and what lit the fire.  Look at the bigger picture of your relationship to find the base of the problem.  That is where the solution lies…not in fancy dinners, gifts, and a dozen roses.  Don’t look for an apology.  Look for a change that shows that he understands what happened and why you were hurt.  If this doesn’t happen, then your fight will keep re-occurring and you will get caught in an endless pattern of arguing.

I can’t tell you whether or not his apology is sincere, but I can tell you that the way someone acts in a relationship is much more important than what he says about how he wants to act.

Image: Flickr

Post from: Blisstree

Should You Accept His Apology?

I mean one of those co-dependent, on and off, so-wrong-for-each-other but can’t-stay-away-from-each-other relationships.  For all intents and purposes, let’s just say your friend is a girl.  Their fights are frequent as are her crying phone calls to you.  Have you had a friend like that?  Or do you currently have a friend like that?

Well, I certainly have and being the best friend/shoulder to cry on has its challenges.  It’s hard watching a friend go through that.  Being in a complicated relationship is so exhausting.  Both mentally and physically!  I know that because I have also been that girl.

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But, have you ever seen your friend become so overcome, so emotional and such a mess that you were actually concerned for her?  Just like an addiction, it seems that she just cannot rid herself of this guy.  What now?  Why not stage an intervention?

Back when I was that girl, I definitely could’ve used one.  I frequently broke it off with my boyfriend only to get right back together with him later.  And we were both guilty parties.  I’m not sure exactly how it happens, but in one moment, I was convinced that I’d ended it for the last time.  Then a couple days would go by and I’d get bored, or I’d need a ride somewhere or I’d remember that he had something of mine that I just absolutely needed it and then one thing would lead to another.  We were back together again.

I hated myself for it, and I’m sure that your friend does too.  And I’m also willing to bet my friends hated me a little bit too.

Your friend just may need an intervention.  But, just like addicts, you must realize that she may not take well to it and it may not work either.  But, I say its worth a shot.

The Treatment Solutions Network suggests that when staging an intervention, one must:

• Plan it out
• Seek additional help
• Prepare in advance
• Be careful during the intervention

So, assemble a select group of friends, people that truly care about her and have been affected by the relationship.  Lay out for her how she has changed negatively and how the relationship has been destructive to her and to her other relationships.  If she’s anything like me, then she probably neglected relationships with her friends, opting to ditch them for him and monopolize every conversation with tales about him.  Just like the hit show Intervention does, assign someone to be the mediator of the group.  Perhaps the person closest to her to make sure her best interests are at heart and that she is not being judged.  Because the girl is only human.

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Remind her that you care about her and just want to see her happy and that there are plenty of other men out there in the world!  I know that seems like a conventional thing to say, but it’s true.

Brilliant psychologist, Dr. Michael Newton Ph.D devoted 20 years of his illustrious career to the study of the soul and the soul mate.  He hypothesized that souls reincarnate and have several lives, and in those lives connections are made.  That is why in this current life, you inexplicably feel connected to certain people,  But, his research also suggests that because your soul connects with so many people during its life times, it is very likely that it will connect with 3 – 4 people during this current lifetime.

See?  Even science believes that there is life after a breakup and that you will meet other people.  And science never lies!

So what do you think?  Would you ever stage an intervention?  How would you feel if you were the subject of one?

Post from: Blisstree

Relationship Intervention

Most people have these fears and date anyway. What’s the alternative? For a select few, however, dating can cause some serious anxiety. Following are common dating fears that singles have shared with me, along with a few tips that should help.

Fear of Rejection
This is the biggie. Asking someone out puts a lot of pressure on the person doing the asking. No one likes being rejected, laughed out, or simply told “no.”

Ease the fear: Don’t give rejection the weight of the world. Understand that everyone, and I mean everyone, has been rejected by a date at some point. If the person you’re asking out is unkind, remember that is their issue and not yours. Feel sorry for someone that tries to put you down, because if you keep trying to ask someone out you will meet someone great, whereas the one who laughed at you will most likely still be alone.

Fear of Online Dating
For every person that tells me online dating has worked well for them, I usually have one or two more that think it’s too scary to try. The biggest complaints are that there are weirdos online or that someone at work will find out you are online.

Ease the fear: Never worry about what other people think about you dating online. First of all, it’s none of their business. So don’t tell them. Instead, go forth with the knowledge that in six months time you will likely have met the right one. That person teasing you won’t be laughing when you are happily with someone special.

Fear of Being Alone
This fear is the one that drives singles together when they should take some time on their own. People settle when they are afraid to be by themselves for any length of time.

Ease the fear: Look at your time alone as a gift. When you meet someone serious, you will at some point crave alone time. Use the time spent by yourself to get to know exactly what you what in a mate. Only then will you be able to attract the right one to you.

Image: sxc.hu.

Post from: Blisstree

Common Dating Fears

Guard Your Privacy
The first thing a potential date might do before going out with you is look you up on a search engine. So any pictures, personal information, and contacts you have may be visible. Until you know someone, you certainly do not want him or her to have access to things like your friend’s names, address, place of work, and photos. Set your privacy settings so that strangers cannot see your information.

Don’t Friend Right Away
When you first meet someone new, you probably want to hang out with them and find out all about them. But I would caution against adding them as a “friend” to your social networking site. What if you break up? Have a fight? Realize you can’t stand the person? He or she is now a “friend” and has seen photos you might have wanted to keep private, thoughts you wrote in a moment of frustration, or even correspondence you might have had with an ex. Sure, you can “unfriend” or block them, but the best way to deal with this is not to friend at all in the beginning.

Be Careful What You Post
You might think the picture of you and your new partner out on the town is the cutest thing ever, but your partner may be annoyed that you posted it. Be cautious before scribbling down details of your dates or giving out information that your new guy or gal wouldn’t appreciate.
It’s a different dating world right now with social networking, so make sure you are safe and smart in how you deal with information. Always protect yourself first. If the new guy or girl in your life is the right one, they’ll understand!

Image: sxc.hu.

Post from: Blisstree

Social Networking Rules in Dating

So, Rule Number 1 girls, if you’re thinking about breaking up with him, it’s because you want to.

Yes, breaking up is hard to do, but have you ever stayed with somebody that you didn’t want to?  Well, I have.  And it’s like an eternity!  My longest was about 8 months.   And I know girls who have stuck around much longer than that.  But they shall remain nameless.

I’m not blaming girls here, but I just don’t hear many men gripe about wanting to break up with their girlfriends for very long.  They just do it.

If you’re in a relationship right now and you’re unsure about whether or not you want to be with him, here is my litmus test for a relationship’s lifespan.

Rule Number 2: If you can look back an pinpoint the exact moment you should’ve broken up with him, then you shouldn’t be with him.  Even worse, if you can think of several moments in which you’ve thought, “I should’ve walked away, right there,” then you need to get out asap.  That is never a good sign.

Especially if that moment in question leads you to get upset and/or cry.

Which leads me to Rule Number 3, if you’re crying and not smiling, you are not happy.  No question about it.

Relationships can be complicated, intense and even tempestuous, but they should be happy.  It’s very simple.  If you’re crying and frowning, girl, wake up!  You don’t love him.  You probably don’t even like him.

And finally, I’ve always felt that break ups get a bad rap.  Sure, they can suck, but there is nothing wrong with recognizing that something needs to end.  Everything has a lifespan and people change, it is only natural.  You didn’t fail and you’re not a bad person, you’re probably just a different person now.

Just like books, life has chapters.  And those chapters end.  But then new and exciting ones begin.

Let them begin!

Post from: Blisstree

Should You Dump Him?

Is it because he’s unpredictable?  Or aloof?  Most bad boys act like they don’t care about anything.  Don’t fool yourself, that means they probably don’t care about you either.

I believe most girls mistake aloofness as being bad.  But, really, he probably just doesn’t care about you.  They say that men like the chase, but make no mistake, girls do too!  We are organically drawn to what we think we can’t have.

Have you ever gone out with a guy who was totally NOT in your league?  You went out with him because you were bored or maybe even pitied him?  You expected him to be all over you, hanging off your every word, getting wrapped up in your spell, only to realize that this is not the case.  He’s haughty and disinterested and not desperate for your attention.  What happens next?

Well, if you’re anything like me, your interest has piqued.  You’re curious and intrigued and all of a sudden you’re using your best moves on him, vying for his attention.  The power balance magically shifted.

I believe that is the appeal of the bad boy.  Us ladies are playful little creatures, who are deep and intelligent and intrigued by what we can’t understand.  Sex is our tool and when we become discombobulated if we feel that we are not in control of it.

Bad boys always get me thinking about a psychology class that I took in university.  The lesson was on attraction and arousal.

How does the body react, physically, when it becomes sexually aroused?

It does several things, including but not limited to:  the pupils dilate, blood pressure rises, the heart rate accelerates, perspiration increases, blood flow quickens (and becomes concentrated in certain, ahem, regions).

But all of this happens when you are scared as well.  Not, “I’m gonna kill you!” type fear, but roller-coaster fear.  Adrenaline is flowing and energy is rising, you’re excited and most of all you’re having fun.  Just like you feel when you’re with a bad boy.

Suppose your date picks you up in a Hyundai and you go see a romantic comedy.  Are you excited?  Hot?  Sweaty?  Not likely.  Now imagine he picks you up on a motorcycle.  You’re zooming through traffic, the wind blowing through your hair, you’re clutching on to him for dear life.  Then you go see a scary movie.  Your heart is racing, you’re jumpy, sweaty, your adrenaline is pumping and once again, you’re clinging on to him to save you.  And now he feels like he can protect you.  And men love that crap.

Girl, you have become putty in his bad boy hands.  The intrigue of the aloof, the adrenaline of the bad-ass; all tricks mastered by men to melt the hearts of us ladies.  But, now you know better.  Don’t fall for his tricks.  This knowledge is precious and now you must use it to your advantage.  Reclaim your edge.  Girl Power!

Post from: Blisstree

Why Girls Like Bad Boys

I was just reading Michelle’s article “Can You Be Friends With an Ex?” that addresses similar issues.  Everyone imagines a perfect scenario where they break up and their ex becomes their best friend and everyone lives happily ever after.  I think this idea should be completely abandoned because it is not a perfect scenario and I have never seen it achieved.  If you have loved and lost with someone, why would you want them in your life even at a friendship level?

I believe that keeping an ex in your life can be a precarious situation and if you do not have logistical reasons for maintaining contact (sharing children, splitting assets, working together, etc.) then a clean break is probably the best option.  I have heard women say “We broke up but we’re trying to be friends” so many times and I am here to tell you that it never really works.  (Readers…please comment if you disagree!)

Ask yourself these questions seriously and honestly before deciding to keep an ex in your life:

• Do I feel bad about breaking up with him? Am I trying to keep him in my life because he is sad and cutting him off would hurt him even more? (THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT!)

• Do I feel bad about him breaking up with me? Am I trying to keep him in my life because I think that a friendship could someday lead to getting back together?

• Do I want him in my life because I miss having him as my boyfriend?

• Do I want to still lean on him and talk go him about my personal problems in my life because we were close and could rely on each other when we were together?

• Is he pushing me into being friends?  Was it his idea to keep talking and hanging out?

• When we talk and spend time together, does it feel like we’re still together?

• Am I comfortable keeping him in my life only until I find a new love interest?  When I start dating someone else, will I cut him out?

• Is our friendship preventing him from dating new people?

It might seem like a lot of questions and you probably don’t want to find yourself answering “yes” to any of these because it will lead you towards the truth about cutting your ex out of your life, but please be honest with yourself so you can make the right decision for both of you.  Lying to yourself about the truth of your lingering relationship will only end up hurting both of you and delaying your ability to move forward.

I know that it is so so hard to say goodbye to someone completely and accept that their role in your life is over, but more oftentimes than not it is the right decision.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

How to Know When To Cut Him Out Completely

I have been divorced for almost 17 years. It’s been 12 years since there was any sort of unresolved anything between my ex-husband and myself. That is a lot of years. In that time our kids have grown and we’ve reached middle age. In that time he remarried, had two more kids, and is now getting a divorce. Shouldn’t all that time and life experience allow us to be friends? 

Apparently not, because I tried to contact him the other day to discuss an issue with our oldest daughter – the first time I’ve ever reached out to him – and he ignored my attempt. Why? The only answer I can come up with is that he has no interest in becoming friends. I’m frustrated, because I feel he has insight that could really help our daughter, but I also feel sad for him. He’s going through a tough time and I’m a pretty good listener, a good friend.

If you’d like to reconnect with an ex, if you’d like to build a friendship, here are a few things to consider:

*If your relationship was casual, rather than serious, it will probably be easier to connect on a friendship level.  If it was a casual relationship, then there is probably very little resentment and resentment is one of the things that makes friendship with an ex so challenging.

*How did you end? Was it on a bad note?  Was it mutual? Was there cheating involved? If this person was a bad boyfriend/girlfriend, then they will probably not make a very good friend. 

*Is this person someone you want to be friends with or are you actually trying to rekindle something else? If you are looking to rekindle, be careful.

*What do expect from a friendship with this person?  In the case of my ex-husband, I was hoping he’d finally help parent our child, I was hoping we could support each other in the parenting. In the case of another ex, I wanted to be friends-friends. I missed him. He was a sweet, funy boy and I respected that he had grown into a good man. Who wouldn’t want a person like that as a friend?

Image credit: Sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Can You Be Friends With An Ex?