I had a good 4th of July holiday. I enjoyed my family and my friends stopped by for a visit in the evening, but I could not help wishing for a different sort of day next year. I’d like someone to plan with and shop with and cook with. I’d like my man with me when we are sitting on the patio, laughing with our friends. I want a family that includes a partner.

I’ve spent almost the entirety of my adult life single. I liked being single, appreciated the simplicity of it, the lack of hassle, the independence, but after a few years of that I decided that I was ready for something more. I began dating and was involved in first one, then this long distance relationship. Today, I am feeling a bit lonely and discouraged. How long does it have to be this way?  How long until we have even a short visit together again?  It bothers me that I feel uncomfortable asking those sort of questions.  Communication is important.

When I get like this, and I do get like this sometimes, I’m only human, I try to think of the long term goals that I have for my relationship. I try to remember that the absence won’t last forever, that it will be worth it when we are together again, but it’s hard to think that way when those ideas are abstract, when there’s no plan in place.  I don’t operate well with a completely open-ended future. I’m the kind of person who needs to work toward a goal. My life is full of a lot of uncertainty and I need some things to be constant or safe. This is one of those things.  

I think it’s time to concentrate on the things that I can control. I need to get my home better organized, work on my budget. Bay needs to practice driving and Sarah is teaching me the guitar. Max has some medical appointments and that requires my complete attention.

Hopefully the relationship stuff will fall into place. I know that my boyfriend cares for me. I will do my best to be more patient. 

And my next post will be more peppy. I promise.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Absence Makes the Heart Grow… Lonely

On the day that the video was taken, June 2, the two officers were driving back from Cincinnati, where they picked up a burglary suspect, to their town of Perry Township, 50 miles away. In the video, the female officer is seen checking to make sure that the suspect in the back seat was asleep. The dashboard camera’s red light, that signals that it is active and on, was tampered with, so the officers did not know that they were being taped. An anonymous tip brought the tape to attention.

Have you ever been involved with a co-worker?  Either while single or in a relationship?  Have you been tempted?

When I was very young (19) I was engaged and my boyfriend was away at boot camp. While he was gone, I went down to Southern California to live with my dad for a few months. I worked in a restaurant there and a guy that I worked with seemed to find my engagement a challenge. He worked me day after day, in an attempt to get me to cheat on my fiance, but I never did. One time, after a particularly bad argument with the fiance (we argued a lot an he is now married to someone else - I believe happily and for a long time 18+ years), I thought, hey why not, maybe I should do it just this once. I did not follow through with it, I did not cheat at that time.

People spend a lot of time at work and they form connections with the folks they spend that time with.  Sometimes these connections are a distraction and a way to escape the stress or even boredom of Real Life. In the case of my restaurant boy, I was lonely and young, away from my friends at that time, and this boy was very cute. It was tempting, but cheating sucks and I have rarely even come close to doing it.

I’d like to say that I’ve never done it, but that would not be completely honest and I’ve made a habit of being honest with you readers.  I did make a few mistakes in the past (way, way, way in the past), but they were not with someone at work (which does mean that it was alright). These days, nothing could be farther from my mind. The boyfriend that I have is all that I can handle.

Being in a committed relationship is like a job in that you have to work at it every day. You have to remind yourself what you are there for and reaffirm your commitment. You have to be a good co-worker or you run the risk of a bad performance review or possible termination - I’m talking divorce or breakup here, not death.

“Canoodling.” Isn’t that a silly word? 

Image credit: Sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Cheating At Work - Cops Caught Kissing

I love American holidays for their celebration of families and traditions.  National holidays provide a day off so hopefully there can be that one special day when fathers and mothers get to spend time with their children, and friends and family can travel across long distances to see each other for a special weekend.

If you have are having a Fourth of July celebration, make a special effort to include friends who may not have anyone else to celebrate with.  The summer is finally here and we should all just relax for a day and embrace the happiness that surrounds a social atmosphere.

I think Fourth of July traditions have a lot to do with open-mindedness and everyone coming together to appreciate the country that we share.

Image: Flickr Jesse Michael Nix

Post from: Blisstree

Celebrating Fourth of July Bonding

• Gaining Approval - You obviously want the guy friends to like you.  You know their opinion matters, so you want it to be a positive one.  But the stress that comes with that usually makes it really difficult to act yourself around them.  Focus on being relaxed and don’t go overboard with trying to impress them.  A small impression is better than a bad one, so don’t work too hard at getting them to like you…you will end up not acting like yourself.  If you are loving and good to your boyfriend, then their approval is irrelevant.

• Possessiveness - A lot of times you will feel like you want your boyfriend all to yourself.  Why does he need time with his friends without you?  Can’t you all hangout together?  It is a healthy part of a relationship to develop some independence.  There are things that he enjoys with the guys that you probably don’t enjoy in the same way, so give him space.  You will want some times with your girlfriends without him around as well!

• Detective Work - Be careful not to use your boyfriend’s friends as a way to find out about his exes and his past.  If he hasn’t shared something with you, then it’s not a good idea to try to find out from his friends…it will just create a completely messy situation for everyone involved.  Their loyalty is to him not you, so everyone will be confused and angry and suspicious.  Yes, they have probably known him for a long time and know lots of tidbits about him that you will never know, but leave the past in the past.

The relationship you have with your boyfriend’s guy friends is important to maintain in a healthy and balanced way.  Most importantly just love your boyfriend for being a good friend to his friends by respecting his time alone with them.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Dealing With Your Boyfriend’s Guy Friends

Sometimes people get jealous. They worry that someone is slipping away, that they are losing their influence. They worry that they might be losing the love or complete attention of another person and when this happens, they turn to coercion. They hit on a person’s frailties, on his or her fears until they chip away a chunk of their confidence. I’m talking their self-confidence as well as the confidence that they may have in their relationship. I find this sort of selfish and destructive behavior disgusting.

When I heard the “deceitful” statement, it was clearly a case of an individual parroting another persons bad intentions. These teenagers are still figuring things out. They need a supportive environment to do that. They don’t need outside sources filling their heads with doubts. How are they supposed to develop healthy relationships if their biggest influences are not healthy to start with? If things do not work out between them, they will still take the lessons that they learned during this relationship with them. They will suspect the next person is deceitful or jealous or whatever term they throw at each other.

Sorry to be a bit on the cryptic side, but we just had a scene here that was ridiculous and totally without merit. I do not appreciate people messing with the kids. Teenagers are not property to control. They are young adults who will soon be on their own, especially when they are 17 and almost 18. They deserve the best guidance we have to give. 

Image credit: Chase Your Bliss Photography

Post from: Blisstree

Be A Good Example For Teens

Some couples celebrate anniversaries while they are dating.  There seem to be a lot of variations in these anniversaries and I have no idea what the right answers are for determining these.  How often do you celebrate?  It could be every week, month, year?  And even more importantly, how do you decide on your official day to celebrate?  Is it the first meeting, date, kiss, night you slept together, or day you decided to be exclusive?

There are are really so many possible answers to all of these questions and infinite options.  It all seems to be very personalized for each couple.  Everyone has a little story about the day that they pick as their anniversary and they get to tell the story everytime they celebrate on their special day (so let’s hope that it’s more interesting than “the night we sealed the deal”).

So I’ve come to my decision about what I think about dating anniversaries:  they are a day to put aside to celebrate the romance in a relationship.

It is not official like a wedding anniversary, so there is no need to worry about cards or gifts for other people.  The dating anniversary is completely insular to the couple.  It is a day that couples program to fit what they agree upon in their relationship and they come together for a specific moment of romance.

If this is not something that you need or are looking for in a relationship, then you will probably find that you are one of the couples who doesn’t celebrate dating anniversaries.  If you are looking to add a little romance reminder into your dating relationship, then this is a great place to find it.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Do You Celebrate Dating Anniversaries?

As I’ve mentioned before, talking to someone on the phone, you miss a lot of those cues. Texting is even worse and no matter how many times I say, “I don’t want to talk about serious things while texting,” we do just that - we talk about serious things while texting. We argue with our fingers. It’s ridiculous. I hate this distance thing and I do not throw the word “hate” around. Usually I reserve it for Hitler and houseflies, although it would cover terrorists, as well.

I was starting to focus on the problems, the stress, the hurt feelings, and forgetting why I fell in love with him in the first place. I was at the point where I thought, okay maybe we’ve taken this one as far as it can go. I hadn’t given up completely, but I was feeling a step away from there.

Today, I was riding my bike, which is where I do my best thinking, and his song came on my earphones - Swing Life Away, by Rise Against. As I listened to the words I remembered how we bonded over simple ideas like a relationship is a team, a partnership, and shared memories of growing up in the same small town. He would say that coming home to someone who loves you, that makes all the challenges in life - work trouble, finances - easier to handle. He was a man who was actively looking for a committment and I hadn’t met a man like that in more years than I can count.

The fighting, we’ve got to find a way to avoid it. I’m not a person who has any interest in winning an argument. I do not like yelling. It paralyzes me in a way, reminds me of too many scary things. The easiest way to explain how I react is this - I lose my words. If we are fighting, there isn’t going to be any winner, I tell him. We will both lose. It has to stop. This doesn’t mean that I need someone to always agree with me, but I do need someone who can let some things go. Not everything is worth a battle.

When Bay was a little younger, we had a really hard time. She’s scream at me, tell me how much she hated me, using language that I can’t repeat here. It sucked. I felt like I was looking at a stranger. One day I found a box of old pictures and I got an idea. I took a picture of her at an especially sweet time and I taped it to the refrigerator door. When she would act ugly, I’d look at that photo and remember that my beautiful baby still lived inside that crazy teenager.

My boyfriend, he’s no crazy teenager, but sometimes he’s just as frustrating (I’m sure he would say the same about me - I’m no angel, but I do try….). I’m going to use his song the same way I did my Bailey-picture. It will be my constant, the place I can come back to, to regroup and remember that we won’t always live so far from each other…..Someday we will be fighting in the same room…..okay, that was a joke.

Image credit: Chase Your Bliss Photography

Post from: Blisstree

Music Will Be My Constant

The ladies in the promos are very pretty, perfectly coiffed and made up, talking about how much they want to find a true love story. I’m a sucker for that sort of thing, so I plan to watch the More To Love when it premieres on July 28, 2009.

Leah thinks that they should have picked a handsomer man, but I think he looks like a regular guy, which is what I think they are going for with this one.

Here’s a bit more from the shows website at Fox:

FOX is setting out to prove that love comes in all shapes and sizes with the new inspirational dating competition series MORE TO LOVE. Executive-produced by Mike Fleiss (”The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette”), the unscripted series follows a single average guy with a big waist and an even bigger heart as he romances several confident and secure plus-size women. Each week, the husky hunk will wine and dine a group of curvy women to determine if they have more love to give or if they are truly more than he can handle. When the size of competition narrows, he will have to decide if one full-figured lady will become his true love.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

More To Love, Real-size Reality Dating Show

1.  Trips where you have a guide book with highlighted pages and detailed descriptions about every landmark that you want to see.  You plan each day to fit in as much as possible to squeeze every valuable moment out of the time spent travelling.

2.  Trips where you just relax.  You bring a book and a journal and you plan nothing.  You enjoy the beauty of your surroundings and the calm that you can’t find when you’re working everyday.

Sometimes the best medicine for a troubled relationships is a big dose of Trip Option #2.  Go somewhere quiet and beautiful where you can find peace within yourself and peace together.  You don’t need to talk about “issues” the whole time, but you can remove the stresses that are caused by everyday life and give yourself space to breathe.

I recommend this specific type of trip because sometimes an action-packed vacation to a crowded and touristy destination could actually cause more stress and tension in a relationship.  Travelling is difficult and busy!  When every day is filled with activities then you don’t always feel like you are able to relax or even fully enjoy each other’s companies.  Obviously trips like this are amazing, but not always the best option for a relationship that is in need of some R&R.

Take a truly relaxing vacation together to a place that is quiet and beautiful.  Bring activities that you can do together but also activities that you can enjoy independently.  Enjoy silence and laughter.  Take deep breathes and find the calm that comes when you don’t have to do anything at all.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Take A Relaxing Relationtrip

There were definitely the couples who got married right out of college…but those were outliers.  They had been dating since freshman year and it was very expected that they would get married young.  It didn’t cause any big commotion amongst our friends because the wedding was such a great college reunion.  Now is the time when it has really started to become a pattern.

As soon as I realized that this stage of my life had officially begun, I was interested in seeing how those in long term relationships would start to respond.  Couple who have just started dating know that they are a long ways from engagement so they don’t have such a strong reaction.  They see what is going on around them, but know that their situation is different.

Couples who have been dating for a very long time, on the other hand, feel the most pressure.  They wonder what it is that those engaged couples have that they don’t…How did they know that they were ready to take that next step?  Are we waiting for something that isn’t going to happen?  Did we miss the moment where we were supposed to propose?  Are we going to know when we’re ready?  Do people look at us and wonder why we’re not engaged?

I think these worries can cause unneeded and excessive stress on a relationship.  Every couple needs to remember that they are the only ones that really truly understand themselves as a couple and the decisions of others around them are irrelevent.  There is no perfect timeline for dating and then getting engaged and there are no social expectations that anyone needs to feel pressure to conform to.  Some people date for three days and get engaged and some people date for ten years and never get engaged.

Regardless of what your peers are doing, you know what is right for your relationship and you will know when the time is right to take that next step forward.  Be introspective, talk to your significant other, and make the right decisions for you.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Why Is Everyone Else Getting Engaged?