This man will not be denied his fried fish.

Basically, this 350 pound man ate 12 servings of fried fish, then had 8 more. He ate all the fried fish. And now he will picket. Even though it provided him with a pretty substantial amount. He is picketing every weekend. Presumably forever.

HAHAHAHAHAAH.

Why is his gluttony so delightful!?

Really, this is everything wrong with the world we live in, which is probably why this concept was already parodied on The Simpsons. I do not care. I want him to have the freedom to be a super-glutton. I want fishmongers to keep their promises. Their crispy, salty, battered promises.

He looks so tired, too. Why? Because they did not give him enough fish to keep up his energy for this continued crusade.

This shit never would have happened if Jesus had been around.

MORE FISH FOR THIS MAN! MORE LOAVES, TOO!

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I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Tyra Banks is an odd duck. Have you seen ANTM? She’s always showing up in weird costumes and doing random skits. You can often see the discomfort on contestants’ faces.

And honestly, that’s one of the things I love about Tyra; she really doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of her (or, she has no idea what a special unicorn she really is).

Anyway, as part of the delightful freak show that she calls a modeling competition, Banks made up the word “smize,” which means “smile with your eyes.” And now, in an article for The Daily Beast in which she comments on how happy she is about Vogue’s new no-sickly-looking-models policy, Banks made up another term: flawsome. She writes:

I’ve been using the word “flawsome” a lot. It’s you + your flaws + awesome = Flawsome. I have a big forehead, and I got made fun of all time. When I was a little girl, they used to call me “five-head.” I’ve been teased my whole life, but I continue to rock it with pride. Years ago one of my agents told me that my forehead was what got me signed.

Vogue has the power to make and break—whether it’s fashion trends, designers, models, and yes, even industry practices. Their bold stance means that others will follow.

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Post from: TheGloss

A composite image meant to represent Jennifer Love Hewitt

Jennifer Love Hewitt has a couple modes: One is talking about her weight, the other is talking about her vagina. Both keep her in the press in some marginal capacity. Today, she’s talking about her vagina: while promoting The Client List at the A&E upfronts, someone asked if there was any vajazzling afoot under her Alexander McQueen dress, which she affirmed with, “It’s a special occasion.”

To be fair, she was asked about it. To be less fair, she could have just said, “I don’t feel like discussing the goings-on of my vagina with you, stranger-with-recording-device.”

Every single time this comes up, however, we think exactly one thing: Does this actually happen? We’ve successfully filed “vajazzling” away in some dark cabinet of the mind and convinced ourselves no one actually does this and even Jennifer Love Hewitt is lying because she just wants to attach her name to a robust search term. There’s no way, right?

(NY Daily News)

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Both are in disguise! This isn’t even remotely retro!

It’s Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer from the upcoming production of The Lone Ranger. Not to state the absolutely obvious, but does Johnny Depp seem like an odd choice to play Tonto, the Native American sidekick? Are there really no Native Amercan actors IN THE WORLD who are also able to wear disguises with panache?

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There are lots of perfumes out there that are clearly designed to rope someone else in. You’ve got your perfumes for when you’re on the rebound, for instance, or for when you’re on spring break.

But what about the days when all you want to do is sit around and smell your own wrist? Those days happen, and you know it. For that, there’s Valentino’s Valentina.

It’s hard to know exactly how to describe this perfume other than that it smells somehow personal. It’s soft and delicate, a little bit sweet and a little, tiny bit baby powder-y. It has hints of florals and of citrus, but just barely. It’s kind of like how you’d smell right after a shower, wrapped up all cozy in a blanket, with a fire and a movie on, if you smelled like you were wearing perfume at that very moment.

Or as they say in Jersey, just do you.

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This is what I look like normally, except my hair is brown and I am not Jeremy Irons.

Fortunately, that didn’t happen. Other stuff did, though!

1) When going out for the evening you will realize that you have no foundation that matches your new skin tone. Hope your skin is perfect. Sorry one of your superpowers is not “seeing the future.”

2) You’re going to spend at least half an hour staring at yourself in underwear from various different angles. I mean, this is probably going to be as cool as it gets.

3) Resist the temptation to take naked photos and send them to everyone.

4) Or don’t, maybe? You’ve got to be free, like a tenné bird of paradise. But animate. So, not a flower. And naked.

5) You’ll probably feel justified in eating more food, because having a tan makes you look thinner. Way thinner. But it dos not actually make you lose weight. When your tan goes away, this will feel like a cruel trick.

6) None of your clothing will look quite the same. Dresses that normally look great will now make you look washed out. If, say, your entire wardrobe is black and navy blue… well, actually, black goes with everything. Navy blue does not look as good if you’re tan. Fun fact! Compensate for this by buying a teal dress in case you get a spray tan, ever. Be prepared.

7) When I was out at dinner with my ex, I made some joke about, I mean, you know, the inevitability of death and the entropic nature of all things – it was a knee slapper – and he paused for a second and said “Okay, Wednesday.” And I replied “No, you can’t say that; I have a tan now.” I felt pretty bummed about that, because Wednesday Addams is a hero.

This is what heroes do all the time. They feed babies raw steak.

8) You’re going to have to slam your hand forcefully on the table and say “Nicknames are not entropic.” This might have more to do with having a lot of feelings and a bucket-load of neurosis than having a spray tan.

9) Pretty predictably, you’re going to want to wear short skirts more. And bikinis.

God, Wednesday would be horrified.

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We’ve been wading tits-deep into the tanning debate here at The Gloss, what with Amanda’s revelation that she doesn’t use sunblock. But apparently we’re not the only ones pondering skin health — a group of teens at a Massachusetts high school has announced that they will forgo tanning before prom.

Allison Bosse, who organized the effort, told ABC News that the practice of getting a dark glow leading up to your big night out is rampant where she lives.

“Our school is known for a lot of people tanning,” she said. “Kids start in March because they want to be tan in their dresses for prom.”

I mean, this is really cool and everything, and I totally support these kids’ efforts. But when the fuck did tanning become so much a part of the pre-prom ritual that not doing it necessitates a news story? Granted, my prom was about 14 years ago, but many of us here are 70s or 80s babies (because just to be clear, kids who are going to prom this year were born in 1994-ish) — did you guys tan before your prom? Also, any high school kids out there want to weigh in? Is this a thing?

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Post from: TheGloss

Snooki tweeted the above photo of herself this weekend and, if you can make it past the intense duck face, you’ll see that she’s a lot less tan than usual. Almost pale, even! She explained what was going on via hashtag, “Whoa look at this non tan. #pregnantproblems” Yup, Snooki has given up tanning to protect her little womb Cheeto.

Thank Ed Hardy that fake eyelashes are safe for expectant mothers!

(Twitter)

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