Communicating Jealousy
How do you go about talking to your partner about the subject of jealousy?
Jealousy
Jeal”ous*y\, n.; pl. Jealousies. [ F. jalousie. See Jealous, and cf. Jalousie.] The quality of being jealous; earnest concern or solicitude; painful apprehension of rivalship in cases nearly affecting one’s happiness; painful suspicion of the faithfulness of husband, wife, or lover. (Source: dictionary.com)
In an ideal scenario, jealousy should be non-existent in relationships. After all, trust should be present in a healthy relationship. The former contradicts the latter. Without trust, the relationship ought to be non-existent itself.
However, we all know that to be human is to err. No one is perfect, hence, so are relationships. Jealousy can creep in. Everyone has their own set of insecurities. That’s why it brings me to ask the question.
Of course, it’s always recommended to communicate first and not argue. Raising voices will hinder understanding. It will only make the problem worse. Questions not accusations are suggested. Answers not mockery are advised. But, again, we all know we can’t have every conversation go as we hoped it will. We can only hope and persevere.
Personally, I still am having a hard time finding the right way to talk about jealousy. Reason being is that one, it’s like swallowing my pride. Two, finding the right words to describe the feeling. Three, to be fully objective and not emotional during the conversation is quite difficult. Four, finding the other person unreceptive.
Is it wrong to admit to feeling a little jealous? What’s wrong about speaking up? Wouldn’t you want him or her to speak up rather than silently accuse you of cheating or infidelity? Wouldn’t it give the relationship (and the people in it) the proper respect?
It’s hard to accept that if you do get the courage to face this demon, you’ll only be received with mockery and snap judgments. Blaming you for being paranoid, selfish, or irrational. Even when there you were opening yourself up, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, only to find no support or reassurance.
IMHO, I always believe that as long as you’re communicating, it’s a show of good faith. I believe that it’s you giving the other person a chance to correct you. This act allows a healthy look into the security one feels when it comes to the relationship. As long as a partner is talking, things are still open for discussion.
Having to hear that your partner was jealous about something or someone doesn’t automatically mean he or she is accusing you of cheating. He or she might just be haunted by an insecurity. You may have failed to make him or her feel secure in the relationship.
Regardless of the source of this feeling of jealousy, one thing I know that will kill it — reassurance. This will rekindle the feeling of security. We need a healthy dose of reassurance every once in a while. Is it really worth it to be stingy?
What about you? How do you go about this sort of situation? How would you handle it if your partner tells you he or she had been jealous about something? If you’re the one who had been jealous, how do you go about telling your partner about it?
Tags: Cheating, communication, Dating, infidelity, insecurity, jealousy, reassurance, relationship, security, Support & CoachingRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Answer This, Cheating, For Couples
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